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The Things Children Say!

Updated: Jun 16, 2023

Talking to your children as they grow up, especially listening to them can be fascinating and amusing. It can also be scary. Luckily, so far, they have done well with Zak becoming an Agricultural Engineer and my daughter studying a degree in Clinical Psychology at University currently with the ambition to become a Paediatric Psychologist.

However, I sometimes wondered where we were heading as these two diary entries illustrate:


Slowly wake up to a cup of tea and witch on the radio. Zak and Olivia pile into the bedroom and lean on the bed. While supping my tea I hear the news of a poor woman that has been murdered by having her head cut off. “I wonder what he used to chop her head off? It must have been a sword or something.” I said.

Zak (then aged 10) suggested, “A spoon”. Grinning at me.

“It would have to be a very sharp spoon and even then it would take too long.”

“How about a pen?” Zak retorted.

“Well they say the pen is mightier then the sword”, I reply.

“Especially if it contains a class 4 grenade”, stated Zak grinning as he lay on the bed.

I was convinced my son had too vivid imagination and watched too many Bond films. However, he was probably proved right when, watching Dr. Who that evening the Doctor used a spoon to defeat Robin Hood in a sword fight!

Jo, my wife, then came out of the bath dressed in my dressing gown, “You never guess what your charming daughter has said to me. She’s offered to shave my back!”


My son, Zak (then about to turn 14) comes home from school. “Dad why can’t they teach me something useful like making explosives?”

Me, “Because you don’t go to an Al-Quaeda school.”

Zak, “ But explosives are really good at fixing things.”

Luckily I appear nowadays to have nothing to worry about - at least so it seems!

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